mindfulness

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As the New Year arrives most of us turn to assessing what went well in 2012 and what changes we might make in 2013. Last year was a big year for my changes and for the most part I met all my goals. With the arrival of 2013, I again picked my goals and established what it would take to meet them. Over the years I have learned to maximize the completion of the goals through the use mindfulness practice.

Some of you might wonder what I mean by mindfulness practice, so let me explain. The process of mindfulness comes from the teachings of the Buddha, when he wrote and talked about meditation. Over the centuries meditation has been taught and practiced by many different groups. It has been thought that a strong meditation practice would lead to improved peace, health and tranquility. It was not until Dr John Kabat-Zinn founded the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Program at the University of Massachusetts in 1979 did the medical and psychological communities begin to look seriously at the benefits of meditation and specifically mindfulness. Over the last 40 years a significant number of studies have been published on the benefits of a mindfulness practice. Some of the areas that have shown positive results are in the treatment of such conditions as cancer, immune system disorders, pre and post surgery, stress reduction, treatment of anxiety and depression, ADHD, PTSD, hyperactivity in children, eating disorders, addiction recovery and many more. A mindfulness practice has also been shown to improve athletic performance, enhance family relationships, work place productivity, and creativity as well as improving overall focus and concentration.

The key to mindfulness is something that we often try to do in our everyday stressed filled lives. We try to find moments when the mind chatter, external stimulation and physical discomforts subside. The difficulty that we often face is that we are so driven by distractions that we find ourselves unable to attain the peace we want.  What the researchers have been able to show is that the mind is a very powerful tool to help us, if we learn to use it correctly. A mind can be like a new puppy, running here and there, looking for things to get into and generally unwilling to learn any structure. Yet as many of you know, a puppy that is loved, shown structure and supported can become a wonderful companion in life. Developing a mindfulness approach can help your mind to work with you, not run from one idea to another or one distraction to another. So, for those of you new to this concept, let me offer the following. Practicing mindfulness can be as complicated as you want to make it or as simple as just becoming aware. Mindfulness is a psychological state where a person brings their complete attention to a present experience. The goal of mindfulness is to be as nonjudgmental, non elaborative, and as aware as possible of whatever thoughts, feeling or sensations are arising in the present moment.

Here are a couple of examples to help you understand how you can begin to use mindfulness in your busy life.

 A cup of coffee or tea

 You have just sat down with a hot cup of your favorite beverage. You have been thinking about this moment and here you are. You raise the cup and take that first sip. But, instantly your mind begins listing all the things you have to do after you finish the coffee. You hang in and remind yourself that the beverage tastes great. You stop fretting about all you have to do in the future and come back to the smell and taste of your beverage. As you settle back to the awareness of the liquid flowing down through your throat and into your stomach, your mind reactivated again, this time drawing you away to the sound of the phone or the email that just came in. You pause and wonder should you respond? But again you say” no” and choose not to listen to the internal critic that disapproves of you for not responding….. “It could be important you know!” the little voice says. Instead, you say to yourself, how wonderful this moment is and lift your cup one more time. This is your time. You will not be taken away from the joy that is coming from this cup in your hand. As you let the last drops flow from the cup and feel them sliding into your body, your mind again steps in to remind you how you should have done more with this time. But instead, you take a breath, smile to yourself, set the cup down and move on to other things in your day. If you are able to do this simple process of coming back to the moment and fully experiencing what is happening to you as you sip from the cup, then you are beginning to develop a mindfulness practice.

 The walk

 

You have some time in that busy schedule of yours and are planning to take a brief walk. You’re going to do something good for yourself. You start to walk and your mind instantly begins trying to take you away from what you are experiencing. You look at your watch and begin thinking of everything that has to be done when you get back. You quicken your pace, so you can get this walk over and move on to more important things. You think about taking your cell phone out and making some calls. You even wonder if you should jog a little to get this done quicker. We all know how to do that kind of walk!

What does a mindful walk look like? You begin by deciding how long you will walk and where you are going. With your mind now focused on your walk, you start to move. You bring your awareness to what is happening with each step. As your feet touch the ground, you experience the stability that each step gives. Your arms begin to move in a rhythmic swing as you increase or decrease your speed. The air moves around you and caresses your exposed skin. Your heart responds to your strides pumping blood throughout your body. The exertion begins to cause a warming that you notice, but you keep your strides going. The sun is out and it adds more warmth around you. The sound of a bird catches your attention. You move your gaze to take in this lovely winged creature. Then just as quickly you bring your attention back to the walk and what is happening to you. When your mind wants to jump in and take you away from the moment, you simply notice it, but give it no power. You just come back to your steps, the sounds, the feelings and awareness of this exact moment. You have just practiced a mindfulness walk.

Mindfulness is basically striving to be in the moment of awareness to whatever is happening. There is neither a past nor a future, only the gift of the experiences created in this moment. The best tool we can bring to those goals we set for this year is to become mindful of the ways we help ourselves and the ways we sabotage ourselves. Practicing each day with a few simple tasks will help us find the self-awareness to bring peace and comfort to that busy mind of ours. The more we live in the moment the more control we have of the outcome…success is waiting.

For those of you who would like more information about meditation andmindfulness here is a link to John Kabat-Zinn

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shPI6A2Pq2E

 

Time for change

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As a therapist, parent and grandfather, the sad news of what happened this weekend has touched me deeply. I believe the time has come for us all to have a serious talk about gun control, violent video games, violence in our movies and mental illness. When we as a society cannot protect our children, then the time for action has come! I do not know what you will do, but for me, a first step is to post this YouTube clip in the hopes you will share it.

 

Joe Scarborough: Newtown Shooting Made ‘Ideologies Of My Past’ On Guns Irrelevant http://youtu.be/Z7FRMTJNClY

 

I hope you will take the time to watch this and keep a dialogue going with others. Let’s not let this moment be lost in the grid lock of Washington. This massacre could have been in “our” community.

Gratitude

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Gratitude

        Before I write this second entry for my blog, I want to thank all of you who have commented about the website and this blog.  I am pleased to be doing my practice again and moving into a new phase of my life.  I am also excited about sharing my thoughts and ideas with you and looking forward to your feedback.

As I pondered about what I would write, I immediately thought of all the negativity we encounter in our daily lives.  One can hardly watch the TV or explore the internet without being constantly bombarded with negativity. We hear that we are about to fall over a fiscal cliff, experience more extreme climate changes and witness a collapse of our world because the Mayan calendar is ending this December.  If that isn’t enough, we have an increase in drug use, more marriages in trouble and an alarming increase of diabetes and other autoimmune system disorders.  We watch young people graduate from college and enter a poor job market with higher debt than ever before. Negativity and fear are constantly in our face and the outcome can be more stress, depression, addiction and hopelessness.  In short, the negativity that we encounter in our daily lives can have an adverse affect on our overall health, if we let it.

We need to look for ways to buffer the negativity that surrounds us.  One of the best ways is to learn to live a life of gratitude.  The link between spirituality and gratitude has long been known, but only recently has psychological research begun to show that people who live with an attitude of gratefulness have healthier lives.  Some of what we have learned about grateful people is that they are less depressed, less stressed, less reactive, more optimistic and live a more stable life.  They seem to have a more positive outlook towards life, have more positive ways to deal with life’s problems, and are more willing to seek help during difficult times.  Grateful people generally sleep better because they have more positive thoughts at the end of the day.  Gratitude is an emotional state and an attitude towards life.

I believe that life constantly presents us with ways to learn about ourselves and methods to improve our life.  Awhile back, I came across the following link that put the idea of gratitude in prospective.  Take a few moments to watch a presentation on gratitude. http://youtu.be/gXDMoiEkyuQ

When we live a life of appreciation for what we have, not focusing on what we don’t have, we are experiencing life in a valuable and meaningful way.  When we treat ourselves with compassion we are able to see and give more compassion to others.  The news recently reported a story of a New York policeman who saw a cold homeless man with no shoes and didn’t walk away, but instead went into a store and with his own money bought him a pair of boots.  That simple act of compassion and caring touches us and stirred our appreciation for such acts of kindness.  Grateful people care and when they see people in need, they act.  They give their time, energy and money to help.  When disaster strikes, like hurricane Sandy, or an ice storm or a fire, we become touched by others who care and we reach out to offer our own help.  Giving to others from our hearts is one of the buffers to negativity.  We each have the gifts of kindness and gratitude within our grasp.  Helping others is one of the wonderful ways to live in gratitude and bring optimism into our lives.

There are many ways to enhance gratitude, but it all begins with you.  Grateful people begin their day with optimism and anticipation.  For me, it begins by being grateful that I am alive and able to take part in this upcoming day.  When we awake and look into the mirror, we need to see a wonderful, unique and special person looking back at us.  Being critical and judgmental of ourselves opens the door for an unhealthy stressful day. When you approach life with gratefulness and gratitude you become thankful.  Thankful people have been shown to be more optimistic and handle challenges more easily.  Studies have shown that children who observe parents expressing gratefulness to each other and their children are more stable and respond better to the stress of school.  Work environments that model gratefulness and gratitude have happier and more productive workers.

       As you approach this coming year with all the negativity that will be bombarding you, remember you have a choice.  The cup can be half full or half empty.  Which perception do you want to hold as true…the negative half empty or the more positive half full?   I am sure you know the answer. Seeing the world through cup full lenses takes practice if we are to battle the negativity that can grip us if we let it.  So enjoy the blessings, thankfulness and gratitude that this day brings, it won’t come back again.

Doors opening….Doors closing

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Welcome to my blog and this first posting.  I picked the metaphor “Doors opening/Doors closing” to write on, because it represents the changes that are inevitable and certain in our lives.   How we respond to these changes determines the state of our emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.

Throughout our lives we face many challenging events that we may resist or deny.  Sometimes we feel such events are unjust or unfair. We find ourselves reacting with anger, disbelief, resentment or self-pity.  Why me?  Why now? How dare they! Resisting these events can escalate our self judgment and balloon our righteous indignation. We find ourselves thinking “All I want is for this to stop!”. We rail against these events as if we had the power to change the outcomes.  Sadly, the harder we try to control outcomes the worse things get and our best efforts fail to stop anything.

It often takes many years for us to realize that difficult events are supposed to come into our lives and to end. They need to be accepted and understood as endings…doors closing…giving way to new beginnings…doors opening.  Some transitions in our lives are best to come to an end.  We need to accept such changes as an opportunity for growth.  As I have often shared with clients…the more we try to hold on tightly to anything that is changing or pulling away, it has probably already ended or left us. It is unproductive and sometimes self-destructive to try to hang on so tightly.

Learning to let go becomes the mantra for success in situations like these. But this can be more easily said than done.  We may need to help ourselves along.  Sometimes Meditation helps by bringing us to the present moment, quieting the struggle, helping us to let go. There are also many spiritual and practical books on this subject to help guide us through such difficult transitions. Another form of help is with the help of a skilled therapist, a guide who is by your side as you make the necessary changes and choices to let go of the struggle and move on.

So what is the lesson here?  Doors are constantly opening and closing in our lives.  It is inevitable. Only when we let the old doors close do we ever get the opportunity to see what new experiences lay ahead.

I would like to hear from you. Do you have other topics you would like me to write about? Post a comment or send me a private email.